Dazed and Confused

I’ve been having a bit of a “What the hell?” day today. Everything has been coming and going without a moment to draw breath. First thing this morning my dog was playing up, dawdling on his morning walk when normally he races ahead and I’m busy trying to keep up. Next Mrs S has gotten out of the wrong side of the bed saying she doesn’t want this and that. Youngest was whining like a wonky bearing because she suddenly decided from out of left field that she wants a Navel Piercing and her Mum wasn’t having any of it. Everything was going to pieces so fast I was getting hit by the emotional shrapnel. I’ve rarely been so glad to go to work.

I got into work fifteen minutes early and the Supervisor was looking daggers at me for some reason, even though he’s been on his days off and we got on very nicely thank you without him. My mates were all bitching about how crap everything was before we’d even got started. I got out of there pronto. What on earth had got in to everyone?

When the rain hit I stayed out on Patrol in one of my usual little sheltering places, watching the world go by. No sense in going back to face the witches cauldron of emotional torment that everyone else had wound themselves up into. Thought I’d got away with it until late morning when;
“Control calling 515, where are you?”
“Out on patrol at the end of the High Street. Is there a problem?”
“No, no. Just hadn’t heard from you.”
“I’m fine, just keeping a general eye on things, it’s pretty quiet out here.”
“Okay 515, can you return to base soon as possible.” Oh bugger.
“Okay Control. 515 out.” There ends my peaceful morning. I dodged the showers and took my time getting back to base. There was nothing there I really wanted to do, just clearing the storm drains, tidying store rooms and all the other silly make-work that goes on when it gets too wet to patrol.
“How come you’re not soaked?” Was the question that greeted me as I walked in to the mess room.
“Me, heap big friend rain god. Him no-um rainum on me.” I grinned for a moment then looked around at all the glum faces who’d missed the ‘Rain God’ joke entirely. “What?”
“Why didn’t you log on to wet weather?”
“Because I was out there, on patrol.”
“You’re making the rest of us look like idiots.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re out there and we’re all logged on wet weather.”
“So what?”
“It makes us look like a bunch of prats.” What? Really? That wasn’t difficult was it?
“Well, sorreee!”
“What were you doing out there anyway?”
“Skiving.” Let’s see if the truth confuses ‘em.
“Typical Bill, always taking the piss.” It did.
“Better than being pissed on.” I shrugged out of my damp kit.
“You’re in the wrong fookin job then.” This is, at least in our crew, the absolute height of witty banter and produced a huge guffaw of laughter all round the mess. Oh God.

I just dried off and sidled out to watch the rain. There are times when you just have to let your mates win one, or they get all mardy.

Back at the ranch as they say, I returned home to listen to a low level argument switch between youngest, eldest, then wife, and back again. Don’t ask me what it’s all about; it must be a female thing. As a mere male, I just keep my head down and try to ignore all the kerfuffle.