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Friday, March 02, 2007


A good officer never gets wet

During our initial training, we were told that “A good officer never gets wet”. Taking this to heart, and wishing to be a “Good officer” I found several places around town that were warm and comfy refuges from the worst of the British climate, from temperatures of (This year) down to minus seven Celsius, to quite heavy downpours. All of said facilities had (Notice the past tense) a dual function; we had access to keys to secure gates, change machines and other of the councils facilities.

Now we found out (No one told us) today that the locks have been changed, and we will no longer have access to these cosy little bolt holes in wet or freezing weather. We are now forced to waste up to half an hour patrol time walking back and forth to base to get and return keys to lock and unlock Council facilities. There are no more handy places to dry out your kit if you get caught in a sudden downpour. Oh yes, and we are forbidden to use public facilities whilst in uniform. We have no recourse but to freeze or be soaked when the weather turns and take ‘comfort breaks’ back at base. Union, what bloody union?

The reason for this closure is that one of our number was caught using one such bolt hole for twenty minutes to fill out his note book after a particularly successful foray. Instead of addressing his behaviour, the Council has seen fit to penalise all of us. The chair polishers are so petty. We get told that “Well you get a paid tea break” Ahem. Excuse me, you bastards can wander away from your desks every ten minutes if you want to, and have to have a ‘screen break’ of 5 minutes every hour (Check the health & Safety directives) and it doesn’t even get logged. Effectively giving them more break time than us. They can have cups of tea every hour on the hour and no one will say a dicky bird.

Fine, just let them try “Bill, can you do this for us?”
My reply will be “Sorry, be at least half an hour.”
“Oh Bill, can you…”
“Kind of tied up right now..”
“515, where are you?”
“515? Are you okay?”
“Anyone out there seen 515?”
“515 here control – Rather busy at the moment – can someone else help?”
“515, what are you doing?”
“I’m out at (Quote location on beat furthest from requested venue). Isn’t there anyone closer?”
“515, my office – now!”
“Can you hang on while I finish this first…”

The fun will be unending, or maybe an ending.

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Blogger Aginoth said...

Ah the joys of work to rule :)

Go get em Bill

Saturday, March 03, 2007 5:15:00 pm  
Anonymous Rob Moir said...

The powers that be sound so petty minded.

I've got a radical idea that I know won't ever catch on but which I really think ought to be tried:

Trust people to do their jobs rather than weigh them down with petty rules, and crack down like a ton of bricks on individual people who abuse that trust.

Oh yes, and another that definitely won't catch on in council offices, education and the like: you can only criticise and second-guess people who do a particular job if you've done it yourself.

Sunday, March 04, 2007 11:46:00 am  

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Location: British Columbia, Canada

Exasperated expatriate expostulations all the way from British Columbia, Canada. As if anyone really cared. Oh, I also watch Icelandic Volcanoes and seismic activity. Don't ask me why.

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