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Sunday, September 10, 2006


Sunday bloody Sunday

If ever there is a day of the week that really gives me the screaming heebies it’s Sunday. CCTV is carrying on like they’re having a bad hair day, and even I’m several glitters short of my full sparkle and staying out of everyones way. Maybe I’m just having an episode of electrolyte imbalance. I’ve certainly lost a lot of fluid today, and am currently trying to drink a lot and replace the lost salts.

Lots of the usual “But it’s Sunday!” from people who want something for nothing. However, one man who challenged me about parking around one of the local churches (Which incidentally has the residents up in arms) got little sympathy.
“Don’t you think it’s wrong that the Church isn’t exempt on Sunday? Don’t you?” He asked me insistently, willing me to agree with him.
“I just enforce the parking rules sir. To be honest, I find if a restriction is active on a Sunday, there’s usually a good reason for it.”
“Yes, but all the churchgoers…” He lets the sentence trail off, trying to make me feel guilty.
“I work for the Council sir, and by proxy the council tax payers. They say enforce, it’s what I do.”
“Well doesn’t it bother you that they’re Christians?”
“Christian, Jew, Pagan or Moslem sir, a sinner is a sinner in my book. Which is what I do for a living, funnily enough.” This guy has no sense of irony.
“So you’re telling my you’d give a little old lady, a helpless little old lady who wants to go to church in her car, a parking ticket?”
“Sir.” I sigh resignedly. “I book cars which are in contravention of the parking regulations. Prince or pauper. Prophet or supplicant. Makes no odds to me. To be honest my only real concern is that I do what I do correctly and impartially. Next car I book might be a Rolls Royce, might be a Smart car. Who it belongs to is not something that concerns me.”
“You’d book your own Grandmother!” He snaps, turning huffily on his heel and storming off. My Grandmother never drove a car you dummy, but she could handle a mean rotavator. (I come from a rural background) “You’ll never go to heaven!” He delivers this as a parting shot. If heaven is full of pompous sods like you, I’ll take my chances with Hell.

Sundays, you just gotta love ‘em. At least when my shift ends.


Blogger hulver said...

I used to live opposite a church. There were no parking restrictions on the road, and it was a nightmare. The road was almost impassable on a sunday because of idiots abandoning their cars as close to the church as they could.

Most of them were sanctimonious pricks who didn't give a shit about anybody who lived near the church. As long as they got to park nearby they didn't care.

Monday, September 11, 2006 10:04:00 am  
Anonymous Snoop said...

Wonder if he'll try special pleading when he gets to the pearly gates. If so, bet he gets short shrift off St. Peter.

Monday, September 11, 2006 11:05:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate traffic wardens....
Die Die Die
If I saw you crossing the road I would not even think about slowing down.

I hope you catch aids and your family disown you.

Monday, September 11, 2006 1:51:00 pm  
Blogger Bill Sticker said...

Dear Anonymous,

It is sad to read such terrible animosity directed against anyone, even me. Incidentally; 'Die die die'? will you please learn to use comma's properly. Read Lynne Truss's excellent book "Eats shoots and leaves" for assistance.

As for the rest of your gratuitous abuse, your requests are denied.

Now piss off kiddo, or I'll slap a ticket on your skateboard.



Monday, September 11, 2006 6:23:00 pm  
Blogger Calabar Gal said...

Being a Traffic warden, I must admit arouses mixed feelings!!!
Love & Hate!! The latter I must say more than the former.
We drivers never seem to have anything good to say about you wardens. A necessary evil in the eyes of the council but not us tax payers.
I shiver thinking about finding that dreaded sticker stick on my windshield whenever I'm parked anywhere. They always seem to find one excuse or the other as a reason why the ticket should stand. Yeah Right!! £50 gone that could have gone for something more useful like spending at M & S!

Sorry mate - but u really did choose a hazardous career and profession!!! Watch ur back!! Ur better alive so we can keep up with ur blog!! (Smile)

Tuesday, September 12, 2006 6:22:00 pm  
Blogger Becca said...

Nicely done, Bill.

~insert polite applause here~

As a Blue Badge holder with a walking range of less than 10m on a bad day the job you lot do quite literally makes it possible for me to go about my daily life. Cheers, and all that. Don't let the bastards get you down.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006 11:41:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

why do you all have such ill fitting uniforms? also i have yet to meet a good looking warden, you are all ugly ugly people.

Thursday, September 14, 2006 12:13:00 pm  
Anonymous Freedom Parker said...

I once met a traffic warden - He was a Cunt...

Thursday, September 14, 2006 1:09:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"will you please learn to use comma's properly. Read Lynne Truss's excellent book "Eats shoots and leaves" for assistance." - Bill Sticker

wow you're so clever, so why can't you get a job that involves more than standing next to cars waiting for the ticket to run out?

Thursday, September 14, 2006 2:06:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He obviously has some sort of inferiority complex because he has such a shit job. Thats why he feels the need to try and act superior in any way possible. Im sure deep down he knows that everyone hates a traffic warden.

Thursday, September 14, 2006 2:12:00 pm  

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Location: British Columbia, Canada

Exasperated expatriate expostulations all the way from British Columbia, Canada. As if anyone really cared. Oh, I also watch Icelandic Volcanoes and seismic activity. Don't ask me why.

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E-mail address : billsticker at gmail dot com


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