Sarcasm?
Wandering along this afternoon, passing through a street without a restriction I was accosted thus: “You do know there’s no restriction here today?”
My response: “Yes sir, just cutting through to another street.” Say I breezily.
His response: “Don’t you be sarcastic to me young man!”
My response: Confusion. Huh? I’m sure I wasn’t being sarcastic, just minding my own business. Besides, sarcasm is a big no-no on duty. “Beg your pardon sir? You asked me a question; I answered you. I can assure you I was not being sarcastic.”
His response: “Yes you were, you were using a sarcastic tone of voice.”
My response: “I’m sorry you think so sir, but I am only passing through from one part of my beat to the other.” You sad fucking git.
Well for fucks sake, I’ve just met one of the top contenders for dickhead of the year. I fluffed my way out of the conversation and moved on, having satisfied the poltroon that I was not being sarcastic. As I went out of earshot I think I called him a “sad old cunt” under my breath. In future, if I catch him in contravention, he’ll get one on the windscreen faster than he can break wind.
When I want to be sarcastic, I will be sarcastic and the object of my sarcasm will be in no possible doubt that he is being sarked at. No doubt whatsoever.
It’s a sad fact that those of us who don a uniform to do the will of our masters will always be at the irrational behest of those whose restrictions we enforce. Yes, they are your restrictions. The residents have demanded that we deal with their parking problems, and the restrictions we enforce are how we do it. The Double and single Yellow lines, the limited waiting are all there because members of the public have at some stage whined and whinged about congestion and parking by non residents. Without their complaints, our job would not exist. Quod Erat Demonstrandem.
No doubt there will be a letter to the paper about the imagined ‘offence’, but I’ve called it in and my supervisor has told me not to worry about it. Rant over.
My response: “Yes sir, just cutting through to another street.” Say I breezily.
His response: “Don’t you be sarcastic to me young man!”
My response: Confusion. Huh? I’m sure I wasn’t being sarcastic, just minding my own business. Besides, sarcasm is a big no-no on duty. “Beg your pardon sir? You asked me a question; I answered you. I can assure you I was not being sarcastic.”
His response: “Yes you were, you were using a sarcastic tone of voice.”
My response: “I’m sorry you think so sir, but I am only passing through from one part of my beat to the other.” You sad fucking git.
Well for fucks sake, I’ve just met one of the top contenders for dickhead of the year. I fluffed my way out of the conversation and moved on, having satisfied the poltroon that I was not being sarcastic. As I went out of earshot I think I called him a “sad old cunt” under my breath. In future, if I catch him in contravention, he’ll get one on the windscreen faster than he can break wind.
When I want to be sarcastic, I will be sarcastic and the object of my sarcasm will be in no possible doubt that he is being sarked at. No doubt whatsoever.
It’s a sad fact that those of us who don a uniform to do the will of our masters will always be at the irrational behest of those whose restrictions we enforce. Yes, they are your restrictions. The residents have demanded that we deal with their parking problems, and the restrictions we enforce are how we do it. The Double and single Yellow lines, the limited waiting are all there because members of the public have at some stage whined and whinged about congestion and parking by non residents. Without their complaints, our job would not exist. Quod Erat Demonstrandem.
No doubt there will be a letter to the paper about the imagined ‘offence’, but I’ve called it in and my supervisor has told me not to worry about it. Rant over.
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