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Friday, December 16, 2005

 

Homophobia

Braveheart has been on a rant today. He’s just worked out that one of the guys on the team is, wait for it; DEE DAH DAHHHH! Gay.

His behaviour upon discovering this suspicion was an acute homophobic rant. At lunch break we were treated to quotes like;
“If that c**t tries anything with me I’ll kick his teeth in!”
“Bloody poofs should be f**king castrated.”
“I’m not sitting next to him at the f**king Christmas Party!”
“F**king shirtlifting c**t!”
“Bastard better not try sucking my cock!”
And other such intellectual discourse, and so on and so on, blah-de-blah, bullshit, bullshit, yaddadah, yaddadah, ad infinitum, ad nauseum. It was all most of us older guys could do not to crack up and laugh the soft git out of the mess. Not that Braveheart is the sharpest tool in the box, but it’s taken him three months to work out what most of our shift have known for the best part of a year.

Not that it has occurred to him that the person he now knows is homosexual has never shown the remotest interest in Braveheart. Well I’ve got more bad news. Out of our little lot there are three homosexuals; one of whom is a female old Braveheart has been secretly lusting after. The poor lad has been positively salivating over her, but she’s high shouldered him at every opportunity. I’ve been tempted to tell him the bitter truth that she’s more likely to fancy one of the girls, but he’s such an arse-head of a Ticket Hound that I get a kick from watching him suffer.

As for our little clique of gays, I’ve never had a problem with any of them. All three work hard, take no shit and are good at their jobs. The only difference I can see is that they fancy members of their own sex, rather than the more conventional heterosexual arrangement. Even then they tend to stay within their own close social group and don’t do the camp Graham Norton / Julian Clary thing.

So what was he getting all uptight about? We are what we are. In Bridget Jones-speak, most of our team (Including yours truly) are ‘Smug Marrieds’. There are a few ‘Singletons’ and three gays. So what?

Thinking about it, maybe Braveheart’s a closet gay himself. Failing that, maybe his own sex life isn’t currently so wonderful (From what I hear and see this is not entirely unlikely – but then again I do not deal in idle gossip - well only a little bit.) and his fantasies are beginning to plumb the depths of his twisted psyche. Hmm. In the words of a late comic actor, a repressed homosexual himself; “Ooh Matron!”

Methinks someone; somewhere is going to have to grow up. For the meantime, schadenfreude rules.

One last thing; Tim Worstall has sent out an E-mail with the following link; Christmas Charity. You can help out by clicking on the ‘Download Firefox’ button in my sidebar, or zip on over to Tim’s blog and read the article as to why you should support this piece of seasonal charity.

Ten more days and counting…then three days off followed by a long weekend at New Year. I think I shall hibernate.

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Exasperated expatriate expostulations all the way from British Columbia, Canada. As if anyone really cared. Oh, I also watch Icelandic Volcanoes and seismic activity. Don't ask me why.

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