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Monday, December 12, 2005

 

Ever wonder why…

You saw a Parking Enforcement Officer near your vehicle and you didn’t get a ticket? Here are a selection of answers. They may not be the right ones, but they’re as good as you’re going to get.

Reason 1: Full bladder
Face it, we’re humans not machines and a sudden need to ‘Water the horses’ can overcome even the most desperate ticket hound. Happened to me today, the need became so urgent I had to leave two contraventions or a puddle. You can only tie a knot in it for so long.

Reason 2: Recall
PEO got called to a ‘special’ by supervisor who needed a body for one of those little ‘It’s your turn in the barrel’ jobs, pronto. Oh yes, and he / she / it wants you back yesterday.

Reason 3: Tea break
The PEO’s feet are sore, they’re gasping for a drink and there’s nothing for it but to knock off for fifteen minutes or they’ll never get a rest break. That one extra ticket is the least of their concerns.

Reason 4: End of shift
Yes, we don’t get paid overtime very often, so the urge to return to base and go home is often stronger than a homing pigeons instinct. Sod the contraventions. They’ve booked enough idiots and taken enough crap from their adoring public for one day so it’s time for Andy Pandy to go home and play the sausage game with Looby Lou if she’s (Or he, who am I to judge?) in the mood. Failing that, the pub is open and they’ve worked up a serious thirst.

Reason 5: Can’t be arsed
It’s been a long day, the Manager has been on their case for weeks and they just aren’t in the mood today. PEO might just tick it off the machine and claim that the malefactor did a runner. Who, apart from the driver and they, are to know?

Reason 6: Foot pain
Quite common this. You walk as much as we do, all day every day and the attrition of wearing ‘Safety’ boots all day takes it’s toll. Plantar Fasciitis, hard skin, other foot problems, stress fractures, knee joint problems, hip joint problems and tendonitis all get to you after six hours on your feet. Paradise can be as simple as a foot spa and cup of cocoa.

Reason 7: Hangover
Your friendly local neighbourhood Parking Enforcement Officer has a tongue like an Axminster carpet that the dog’s just pissed on. Their head is throbbing like the percussion section of the Berlin Philharmonic. Let’s face it, they can’t afford to take a sickie because they’re out of sick leave and all they want right this minute is a quiet life. Any more fragile and they’ll shatter. Last thing they want is aggro. Let the ambitious sods take the flak. At least until the paracetomol kicks in.


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100% drug free isn’t exactly true. I am fuelled by either caffeine or alcohol, sometimes by both.

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Exasperated expatriate expostulations all the way from British Columbia, Canada. As if anyone really cared. Oh, I also watch Icelandic Volcanoes and seismic activity. Don't ask me why.

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