I blame the TV

Mrs Sticker and I have had a little bit of an argument. Not quite a blazing row leading to me sleeping downstairs with the dog, but a “Bill You Are Going To Buy Some New Clothes And I Am Going To Help You Choose Them Because You Have No Dress Sense” kind of argument.

Yeah, she’s been watching Trinny and Suzannah in ‘What not to wear’ – again. This time they chose two guys going through a mid life crisis (Who needs the ‘mid’ bit as an excuse, my whole life’s one long crisis.) to makeover. Why are women like this? She knew what I was like when she married me so why do I need a whole new wardrobe now? Junior stepdaughter waded in with a “I think it’s a good idea mummy. He needs new kit.” Vile traitress! To think I said nice things about her school food tech results! How like a serpents tooth is a thankless child!

Yes, I know, I do need a new suit. My old one is just so saggy and baggy that a self respecting scarecrow wouldn’t touch it. I really need some formal stuff; always had a hankering for one of those Bankers frock coats. Black shirt with fine vertical gold stripes. Something a little less plain. I wear a plain uniform every day of my working life and it looks reasonably smart. However, I could do with something a bit more, colourful – whatever. Maybe I do need help, badly. Mind you, with my current budget I’ll be lucky to end up with a pair of dark trousers and a shirt.

Hi-ho, of such small steps is sartorial elegance constructed. I still blame the TV.