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Wednesday, May 09, 2007


Monday, Bloody Monday

Plenty of sirens this bank holiday Monday as various Police response cars dopplered around the town, but no foot patrols spotted. Just us lot as usual on our errand to try and keep the streets running smoothly. Not that we always succeed.

Today I have had a vehicle driven at me (One I had just ticketed – but it’s a risk you take in this game), and several quite virulent exchanges with some very pushy members of the General Dyslexic.
For example; “Restrictions don’t apply on Bank Holidays” Says who?
Me; “Yes they do sir, and that’s why I booked your car.”
Retort; “You utter Cunt!” Ah, an intellectual.
Me; “Good day sir.”
Retort; “Was until you ruined it!”
That was the general tone all day. Some people simply felt aggrieved that they couldn’t park where the hell they liked. My job is to see that they don’t; ergo the multiple conflicts.

I even had one very silly person indeed begin to raise his fists to me. I just folded my arms and stood back just a little out of his reach, looking straight into his eyes. That way I’d at least have had a clue about when he was going to ‘kick off’ and do my best to dodge. What actually happened was that there were a couple of tense seconds before he made a cry of frustration and stalked off. Had he tried to make good his threat my cap and badge would have probably come off, and then I’d just be a private citizen and allowed to defend myself (Although I’d probably have been fired for it – but bollocks to that). Which leads me to this old chestnut;
“What do you say to a six foot plus Traffic Warden with a Judo belt and wearing steel toe caps?”
“You’re a complete twat?”
“Wrong – try again.”
“Oops, sorry Officer, I won’t do it again.”
“Correct! Now push off or I’ll book your car.”

One mistake I never make is to turn my back and walk away before they do. That’s an invitation to get knocked down from behind. If I do get attacked, I at least want to know where it’s coming from. Still got the shakes for twenty seconds after it had all calmed down. Covered it up well, and no one seemed to notice but me. It was just a case of “Next!” and getting on with the job.

Notwithstanding, I had to keep my mouth tightly shut and take all the crap handed out instead. By shifts end I was seriously pissed off, and it took almost an hour of soothing words from my dear lady wife to cool my fevered wits from fever pitch.

Incidentally, none of this went on any report form. If I’d tried to do that, I’d never have got any patrolling done on Monday. This form filling is all a big game of ‘cover your arse’ anyway. Not for me, but for the higher ups, so they don’t get blamed or sued for anything (Perish the thought). At the moment of writing I’m still so steamed (Two days later) that if summoned to account for my behaviour by Management I’m inclined to simply sit down and wait for them to finish before saying, “Is that all?” then leave the room to get back on patrol. They can fire me if they like, but I at least won’t have to take shit from both sides of the fence without any comeback anymore.

Sometimes using your brains isn’t enough and you just want to lash out and sod the consequences. I hate being an unwilling victim.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Going out to give tickets is a bit harsh on a Bank Holiday Monday isn't it? I thought the original reason behind parking enforcement was to make sure the roads didn't become too congested? No doubt these are no longer the reasons why parking rules are being enforced and you will be able to give a cutting and whitty responce in reply to my comment ;-}

Thursday, May 10, 2007 12:09:00 am  
Anonymous cogidubnus said...

Whitty? Whitty? what the buggery bollocks is whitty?

Makes as much sense as the rest of your comment.... (ie none)... Break the law on a bank holiday and you WILL be punished if caught...that's right - if you breach parking regulations you are breaking the law not some inconvenient little pettifogging regulation you can accept as an option if it suits...twat!

Since when were there different laws applying to bank holidays - Tell you what - next bank holidsy I'll come round and break your windows...bit harsh stopping me from doing it on a bank holiday after all...

Thursday, May 10, 2007 12:55:00 am  
Blogger Bill Sticker said...


We work on Sundays and public holidays because in our Burgh, the streets get even more congested on Bank Holiday Mondays.

Yes' I'd rather be in my back garden watching the rain fall (A traditional Bank Holiday pursuit) but the streets are clogged with idiots, so we are out ticketing offenders on those days. How else do you suggest we alleviate congestion, apart from banning the use of personal transport?



Thursday, May 10, 2007 6:38:00 am  
Blogger dickiebo said...

cogidubnus; Yes. There did used to be different rules on Bank Hols. when I was in the job.
Certainly parking restrictions in the West End of London did not then apply on Bank Hols. (I'm sure that it's different now though).

Friday, May 11, 2007 11:55:00 am  
Anonymous cogidubnus said...

Yes dickiebo but it's the state of mind I was commenting I'm sure Bill was too...

Friday, May 11, 2007 11:34:00 pm  
Anonymous bushnell said...

cogidubnus - breaking my windows is not quiet the same as that would be breaking a criminal law rather than a civil law. Oh and I meant witty (sorry for adding the additional h!)

Bill - I suppose different areas require different restrictions however where I live there are a lot of office blocks in half of the town centre and the roads around them are dead at the weekend. It certainly used to be the case that Bank Holidays were treated like Sundays in that parking restrictions didn't apply to encourage people to come into town and shop. The restrictions where changed and now just say they do not apply on Sundays however as a Bank Holiday Monday is a public holiday and it would be nice to think that restrictions would not need to apply as the roads are not as busy as there are not the people coming into to town to work in the offices.
I do hope you get a bonus for working a Public Holiday or at least a day of in lieu.
As for congestion I think it should be left to get worse and more bus lanes/cycle lanes, light rain schemes be built sooner or later people will realise public transport use will go up and the level of congestion will remain constant. After all personal transport is not a right.

Saturday, May 12, 2007 8:15:00 pm  
Anonymous cogidubnus said...


Both Civil and Criminal Law are (ultimately) equally civil suit if nothing else avails...

Too many people have the view that restrictions apply only to "other people" and not to themselves...

With regard to congestion being allowed to get worse until government (or local government) action becomes inevitable, aren't you aware that bus companies can be severely penalised (or even lose their right to operate) if late running becomes too bad? I'm sorry but what planet do you live on?

Saturday, May 12, 2007 11:41:00 pm  

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Exasperated expatriate expostulations all the way from British Columbia, Canada. As if anyone really cared. Oh, I also watch Icelandic Volcanoes and seismic activity. Don't ask me why.

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