Out of bay
Today I got called ‘pedantic’ for slapping a ticket on a flash car whose owner was taking up two parking bays by parking his new dick-mobile smack dab centre over the white bay marking. Took my photo’s, made my notes, and even a disabled badge won’t get you off this one, matey. How the hell someone who is apparently disabled and cannot get a proper job can afford such a vehicle is beyond me. As far as I was concerned, it was a kosher booking.
Two minutes later I was summoned by the traditional outraged cry of the ticketed motorist thus; “Oy, you!” I suppose that means me. Went my weary subconscious. I turned to face a man in his fifties who seemed to be fully mobile, and judging from the volume of his voice, certainly did not suffer from any respiratory illness.
“What did you book me for? I’m disabled!”
“I take it that is your vehicle sir.” I nodded towards the brand new BMW 7 series he was angrily waving at.
“Yeah. What did you book me for? I’ve got a disabled badge!”
“Your vehicle is taking up two bays sir.”
“But I’m disabled!”
“That is no exemption sir. It is a requirement of this car park that you park within the bay markings. Says it quite clearly on the tariff board. There is no disabled exemption.”
“Car park’s not full. You can’t book me!” Really has got some good lungs this man. What is his disability?
“That’s not the point sir. You must park within the bay markings.”
“You’re just being pedantic!”
“That is a moot point sir.” Yes I really talk like this. “Disabled badge or not, the tariff board clearly states the rules of the car park.”
“What’s your name?” He demands.
“I am Officer 515 sir.”
“I want your name!”
“That’s all I am allowed, or wish, to tell you sir.” Damn! Missed the cue for ‘my name is for my friends’.
“You’re bloody pedantic you are! I’m reporting you.” Oh gawd, not another one. Here we go round the flaming mulberry bush, again.
“That is your privilege sir.” I’m not giving way pal. “The challenge procedure is on the back of the ticket as you feel that the ticket has been issued unfairly. Unfortunately, once it is issued, there is nothing more I am allowed to do.” So stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
He stomps off making repeated exhortations that include the word ‘pedantic’. I turn away and carry on patrolling. He’s right of course. Although I contest the ‘Trivial’ part of the definition. The ‘Park in bay’ rule does have a purpose; and in this case is firstly to make sure that the full tally of car park spaces are free for everyone, and secondly to deter flash gits from taking up two parking bays just because they are afraid of getting their paintwork scuffed.
If that’s pedantic, then I are a pedant.