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Tuesday, March 08, 2005

 

Preserving Wildlife

After yesterday I was glad they gave me the town beat to do today, as it’s always busy and takes your mind off any personal issues you have. Odd conversation with charity collector.

“Save the wilderness mate.” Spake the tin rattler. “Or are you guys so tight you won’t help wildlife.”
“No, we’re not allowed to carry money on duty.” I replied with the simple truth. My employers are so paranoid about bribery that we aren’t even allowed to carry loose change on patrol. Tin rattler does not see it this way.
“You’re all just tight gits.”
“You don’t believe me?”
“Course not.”
“Go to the council offices and ask my boss then.” I tell this naysayer. I don't like people who call me a liar.
“All right. Still think you’re a bunch of tight gits.” Cheeky sod.
“This wilderness you’re collecting for?” I ask innocently, while clocking a double parking BMW and punching his details in. Driver sees me and gets back in Car for a rapid exit.
“What about it?”
“How is giving you money going to save it?”
“Er, well.” Says tin rattler before going into bullshit mode. “We buy it to stop the developers buying it and desecrating the wildlife with huge plantations of alien species.” Right. Like I believe that.
“Then what do you do?”
“What?”
“So you’ve bought up all this land, then what?”
“Er, put in nature trails so people can come and visit it.”
“Then it won’t be a wilderness any more.” Ooh I’m soo cruel to treehuggers.
“Yes it will.”
“With people traipsing all over it? Then you’ll have to build facilities for all the visitors which will scare off the wildlife. Then it won’t be a wilderness any more. Just some theme park for greenies.”
“Sod off.” Well that hit a nerve. Serve the irritating little arsehole right.
“Good afternoon.” Sometimes life feels so good.

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Location: British Columbia, Canada

Exasperated expatriate expostulations all the way from British Columbia, Canada. As if anyone really cared. Oh, I also watch Icelandic Volcanoes and seismic activity. Don't ask me why.

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