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Tuesday, October 04, 2005


Who gives these people f***ing licences?

On my way back to base this afternoon with sore feet and a pocket full of sinners to be downloaded and sent the fruits of their parking wrongdoings I watched, in rapid succession, the following;
  • Dark haired woman nattering with mobile phone up to right ear pulls right out into traffic with hardly a glance, causing cyclist to swerve and just avoid becoming the filling in a bus sandwich.
  • Middle aged man with face puckered up like a bulldogs arse performs U-turn across two lanes of busy traffic, thus blocking road because he suddenly finds he’s misjudged the length of his vehicle and has to bodge back and forth.
  • Baseball capped gonzo with his boom box turned up full making illegal right turn causing pedestrians on crossing to scatter.
  • Woman in Porsche wearing shades (In this weather?) proceeds to turn wrong way up one way street, then gets into shouting match with two drivers coming the other (Correct) way until she has that ‘Oops’ moment and damn near runs a pensioner over doing an untidy U-turn which takes her half way across the sidewalk.

This sort of thing happens every day, but it’s rare that you see four incidents one after the other. Yes, I took their registration numbers and passed them on, but as CCTV told me. “Didn’t catch them on camera me old mate, so it’s just your word against theirs.” And people wonder why we don’t smile much.

What I’d like to know is who gives these people f***ing driving licences? How in the name of whichever gods did they ever pass their driving tests? They can’t obey a few simple rules. They don’t look where they are going. They can’t even steer their damn vehicles properly.

How about this; I vote we go for mandatory 5 or 10 year retests. If you can’t pass or don’t turn up for retest, you lose your car. While I’m on the subject, a drugs test should be part of every driving test. If you turn up under the influence of any drug on driving test day, you lose your chance at the test for a year. I have in the past heard people discussing turning up for their driving test having ‘Just popped a valium to calm me down’. Isn’t that truly scary? If you are ill or too mentally unstable then you should be allowed to reschedule until you are ‘clean’.

Who pays for all this you may ask? How about the person who wants the licence in the first place? There’s potentially a whole new service industry sector out there, and who knows, the road death toll might finally drop on a permanent level.

Having driven everything up to and including a 7.5 tonne lorry in twenty plus years of driving (Motorcycle, Car, Van, Lorry and a clean licence too), I reckon I’ve still got a lot of bad habits to be ironed out. However, I’ll gladly go for a mandatory retest, even at my own expense.

Oh sod it. Why do I bother or even care? Probably because over the past twenty odd years, many such pillocks have had a pretty good go at wiping yours truly off the face of the earth with their poorly piloted tin boxes. On many occasions only my relentless paranoia has saved me from near certain extinction. It’s a crazy world, so lets be careful out there.


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Location: British Columbia, Canada

Exasperated expatriate expostulations all the way from British Columbia, Canada. As if anyone really cared. Oh, I also watch Icelandic Volcanoes and seismic activity. Don't ask me why.

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