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Wednesday, April 27, 2005

 

How people react to getting nicked

What really goes on in a Traffic Wardens head when he / she hears certain key phrases? Here are a few examples below.

“I was only there for five minutes.”
This is a blatant lie and everyone knows it. We are neither convinced or in any doubt of the offenders guilt.

“You didn’t give him a ticket – he your mate or something?”
If you grew up, stopped whining and got out of my face I’d be booking him right now – just get out of my way bozo!

“You should be paying me for this.” (Waving Parking ticket under my nose)
Not really, you arrogant bumptious poltroon. You should be paying for your own short sighted carelessness, now get out of my face – halfwit.

“What’s this!”
It’s a Parking ticket, slaphead. You got caught, tough.

“What did you give me this for?”
You didn’t notice the double yellows / restriction signs? – Go get your eyes tested.

“We had an understanding with the last Traffic Warden.”
The moon is made of Edam, the world is flat and your mother is a bowl of Hyacinths.

“But I’ve parked here for years!”
But you shouldn’t have been parking here all that time should you? Give me a break.

“You could have told me to move on!”
Yeah, but you’d have driven away laughing at the Traffic Laws. Laugh this one off sunshine.

“I pay my Council tax!”
So do I. What’s that got to do with the price of fish?

All of the above are excuses heard in the space of one working Sunday. In the words of Marvin the Paranoid Android – “I hope you know I’m feeling very depressed.”

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Exasperated expatriate expostulations all the way from British Columbia, Canada. As if anyone really cared. Oh, I also watch Icelandic Volcanoes and seismic activity. Don't ask me why.

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